me, myself &I: 2008年6月

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6月24日

Memory

这一天终于还是来了

回学校领了专八证、毕业证、学位证、报到证

注销了学生证、图书证、医疗证、住宿证

在食堂吃了最后一顿中饭，参加了最后一次年级大会，交了最后一份表格

我就这样毕业了

贴点照片纪念下：

i hate saying goodbye

especially to those you know you won't meet up again

i've never been good at it, and probably never will be

so when the day finally comes

don't look me in the eye

and forget about the laughter, the smiles and the fun we share

i like it better that way

杜拉斯说，爱的实质，是一剂麻药，带来暂时的幻觉和麻醉

因为寂寞，因为疼痛

最后却带来更多的寂寞和疼痛

if so

let's make sure that we kiss goodbye

6月10日

it all started a few weeks ago, when i was trying to have a conversation with a so-called Mr. Dreamy.
sophisticated, successful, and smart as hell.
don't get me wrong, it was his work experiences rather than the guy that impressed me.
i still remembered the silly questions i popped about applying for law school.
every 5 mins my distinguished company looked long and hard inside his pocket,

as if the answer to my questions were written in there.

at first i thought he was getting bored by the nonsense i prompted.
then i thought he was trying to end our conversation earlier.
finally i realized it was one viberating object that was bothering him: the dreaded BlackBerry.

He took it out and started writing an email right there while mumbling: "Sorry - need to do this - sorry."
The whole time he tried to look normal and calm,

the way any addict would when confronted with drugs, alcohol or a gambling machine.
"I'm fine, just gonna have a little sniff. Nothing to worry about, nothing to cause alarm."

this is not a single case.
that's why to some corporate creatures the thing blackberry has been officially renamed as CRACKBERRY.
i maybe have exaggerated a little, yet looking around,

there are just more and more ppl suffering from this so-called Too Busy Disorder.

they always look so intense that even the cloest friends would feel certain estrangement.
it seems that they are constantly bombarded with endless messages, meetings, gatherings, etc.
when talking to them, you get the feeling that no matter how successful he/she can be,

deep inside, he/she's still that cynical, complaining, and self-pitying loser.
as what Mr. Dreamy once confessed (while he was pretty much wasted, of course)

"wonderful family, great job, a lot of friends, i've had them all. yet still, I AM NOT HAPPY."

could it be more ironic?
for me, i think this is the case that has a lot to do with egoism.
work justification aside,

there's something weirdly enticing about being wanted, connected, needed or yearned for.
At a subliminal level it turns us on, even if it's just a simple task.

the whole "rat rush thing" hasn't been abated for a single moment.
we all desperately reach out to our limits--obsessed with the pride in handling multi-task.
which has been secretly robbing us of leisure time, peak performance, private life,
or even the least sleeping hours needed to maintain the body functioning.
during the night, especially in a metropolis like SH

increasing portion of young ppl are busy doing everything but getting rest.

for them, life is a battle rather than a journey.
they race through life, survive on little sleep, wolf down the meals, and fuel up with caffeine or alcohol.
sadly, most have been so used to it that a simple and peaceful lifestyle no longer appeals to them.

admittedly, i've been there before, or might haven't got out of such thing yet.
i engaged myself in as much stuffs as possible, making sure that everyday there's a to-do list awaiting,
so that i wouldn't have time to think abt the fucked-ups that i was so reluctant to turn to.

and it is this one special person that made me to realize,
it isn't any one thing particular that makes us unhappy,

rather the tragedy of being indecisiveness and thinking too much without taking actions.
everything could be a lot easier if we would just focus on the stuffs that deserve our attention.

whatever happens, happens.