2008年的最后一天

给自己开了一瓶红酒，在洒满阳光的房间里面看了一部叫a good woman的电影

想起冷落了很久的space

 

已经很久不敢回头看，很久不曾给回忆露脸的机会

不会再为赋新词强说愁，不会为了别人而改变自己

感谢生活给我的一切，感谢始终陪伴的朋友们，感谢父母的关心

这个space我陆陆续续写了这么久，该是时候换个地方了

 

今日毕博

大家新年快乐

上来纪念一下连续第5年过的单身节

嗯。。。继续加班。。。

完毕

 

*******************悲惨的分割线*******************

 

有必要来记录一下这天晚上的惊险遭遇

和姐妹们约了晚上听Jazz，于是下班以后先找地方吃饭

那时候已经过了七点半，天完全黑了，而且起了风，有点冷

我一边和S打电话一边疾步走，路过恒隆的时候

不知道哪里来的直觉我就鬼使神差地往我的右边看了看（事实证明再晚一秒都迟了）

居然发现有一只手在我的包里！！！

 

然后我就傻了

一阵寒意从脊柱流过

旁边那个人也傻了，迅速把手抽回以后也呆了一两秒

我们四目相对了一下

刹那间宇宙一片寂静。。。

然后我本能地打破沉默：你干吗？！

话一出口我就后悔了，这还需要问么。。。

 

他依旧豪无表情，似乎耸了耸肩，不屑于理会我愚蠢的问题

转身走了，就这样慢悠悠一步一步地地踱走了！！！

靠。。。人赃俱获哎。。。有点职业道德好不好

现在的贼连短跑都懒得练么

至少也要做个逃跑的样子出来啊

 

哎。。。世风日下啊世风日下。。。

 

 

i've been asking myself a question lately, to which i'm having a hard time finding an answer

 

 

 

certainly we are not expecting the exact same amount of devotion in a relationship, not anymore

in this ever-changing, pretending society where everyone seems to have trust issues

where each and everyone of us suffers from this enormous insecurity at times

where having such a loving and careing relationship becomes too much to ask that it has almost turned into a urban myth

we are made to believe that one of the two has to be more committed

either he loves you more or the other way around

they say in the best of relationships, the two parties involved share the roles of giver and taker evenly

to sum up, that is, they compromise

 

 

you see, most of the time the situation is so ambiguous that it has become a delicate battle

we have to be careful not to show too much affaction to scare him/her away

or not enough attention that makes him/her not seeing any future

as much as i hate this, i have to concede that the whole dating maneuver thing plays a critical role here

 

 

i've always considered myself as a giver

i try my very best to make him happy, sometimes too nice to point out the thing that pisses me off

even to those i don't really care

i acted like an angry child who keeps everything to herself, carrying a growing discontent within

and when some problem finally reveals itself, it's often fatal, leaving no room to amend

that's why i feel very relieved instead of guilty coz i'm not the one to blame

after all, i've done everything within my ablity to make it work

 

 

HOWEVER

it was until recently i realized i was so blind that i continue to make the same mistakes with the same types of people

i like to think myself as a giver simply because i lack the courage to admit that i'm no longer self-sufficent

so unwillingly to admit that i'm mentally attached to others that i rather keep giving

pretending he's the one who needs me more

 

 

Giving seems counter intuitive, but it works, at least for me

it's some kind of self-protection procedure

you may consider the taker as more self-centered, overprotected and dominant

yet as i am now genuinely reflect upon my behavior with others, i discover otherwise

How we treat others is directly linked to who we attract

we givers, do-ers, and generally ask-nothing-in-return-ers, are actually asking for the most

 

 

the truth is, if you are lucky enough to date an experienced giver who's willing to take the wheel

and is not afraid to admit how afraid he is to get serious, to be committed, to take on responsibilities

then congratulations!

you just sign up for a lifelong joyful journey

 

凌晨一点，喝着凉水，一个人在宾馆的房间里踱来踱去

电视里放着CNN的节目，今天的talk show嘉宾是Donald Trump

最近在看他的那本Think Big and Kick Ass，所以看他的采访有种特别的亲切感

虽然不太喜欢他这种高调的作风，也实在是对连篇累牍的economic crisis有些厌倦

却不知不觉看了近2个小时

 

想起刚刚挂掉的电话

心情突然有点烦躁

才两个月的功夫，生活已经变得面目全非

和小米通电话会觉得自己的声音很陌生

我已经很久没有clubbing，很久不听伤感的音乐，很久没有想到你了

只是忽然之间

我有那么一点怀念这个刚刚过去的夏天

 

最近上海的天气很好

觉得周末不好好利用这美好的阳光实在太浪费

加上新闻里说本月15号之前是最佳的赏桂时间

于是这个周末的time out就决定去桂林公园野餐

 

 

走进公园就是一股浓浓的桂花香

凉亭里有老人聊天下棋

草地上有孩子嬉笑玩闹

河边有情侣你浓我浓

天空是晴空万里，让人沉 醉的那种湛蓝，顿时心情大好

 

 

在草地上铺开塑料纸和报纸，摆好吃的

我做了芝士焗肉酱土豆泥，R带了水果和叉烧，S带了面包和甜点，J带了酸奶和饮料

聊天，发呆，打哈欠，躺在阳光下面说些没头没尾的话，做做白日梦……

 

 

晚上去了台湾风情周的小吃节。。。非常失望。。。

根本没吃饱，而且每个摊位都要排队，环境也绝对是糟糕的可以

人流量非常恐怖，基本上就是举步维艰，短短一两百米的新吴江路愣是花了一个多小时才走完

 

 

突然想去学琵琶了

以后party也可以“犹抱琵琶半遮面”一下。。。嗯。。。

生活还是要有点盼头才好